Fun New Thing of the Day: Those Tortured Teen Years, Now in T-shirt Form


Oh, those anxiety-filled days when you were thirteen and wondered if you would ever get kissed.

Some DJ must have taken pity upon us and created the “champagne snowball,” wherein all the kids dancing at the Bat Mitzvah would circle up around the Bat Mitzvah girl and she would pick the cutest boy in her grade to dance with. They’d dance until the DJ said “champagne snowball!,” in that creepy way that only comes from trying to get thirteen-year-olds to hook up.

“Champagne” meant a kiss, and the “snowball” happened when each partner of the dancing couple split to choose another person from the circle, until eventually everyone was dancing and everyone had been kissed.

Theoretically.

At my Bat Mitzvah, the girls outnumbered the guys 4-to-1. (Seriously?! No one called ‘lesbian’?! Hindsight, I guess…)

At the time, “champagne snowball!” gave us an excuse to ask anyone we wanted to dance. Those were the rules. We had to; I mean, you can’t not “champagne snowball.”

And now, someone has a t-shirt* to bring you back to that time when all you had to do to get to kiss the person you liked was wait around the dance floor long enough.

*We have no connection to these people. We just liked the shirt.

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